The Forq Marines
by Paukinra
Summary: Rated T for strong swearing, Mild violence and moderate sex references. Follows story of the Forq marines and there Chapter Master Stressius once they turn from the lies of the God-Emperour
1. Chapter 1

Can I just start by saying that this my first fanfic so it will probably be crap so please try to keep all criticism constructive Thanks. I would also like to say, I know some of the background is wrong, I edited thing slightly as to help the story run smoother enjoy

Chapter Name – The Forq Marines

Heraldry – Black with Dark Red shoulder pads and lower legs.

Notes of Interest – Entire Chapter is on record from the inquisition as 'near heretic' and many high-ranking members (including the Chapter Master) have warrants for their arrest and then execution via Multi-meltas and Heavy Flamer. In addition the Chapter is well known for using physical punishment for the most mediocre offences and it's 'couldn't-care-less' attitude to civilians and other military forces.

Chapter1 – At War Again!?

Beep, Beep... Beep, Beep... Beep, Beep... 'Oh crap' muttered Chapter Master Stressius as he smashed his fist onto his alarm clock, next to his bed, despite already being awake for nearly an hour, constantly reading the same orders over and over again, each time making him slightly closer to the other end of the short string that was his temper.. Suddenly servitors appeared from the shadows, replacing Stressius night robes with day robes, the only difference being that the day robe was 2 micro-shades brighter. Once he forgot to change his robes before entering the breakfast hall, 13 more Astrates became infertile and tomatoes where officially banned from breakfasts within the Chapter after that day. As the Chapter Master left his bed chamber his honour guard flanked him clearing the wide corridor of the 'LICSTBTSMAMNEKX Pressure' (Large Intergalactic Combat Ship That Belongs To Space Marines And May Non-Educationally Kill Xenos). The walls covered in names of the fallen heroes of the Chapter, Stressius always wondered what would happen when they fill the wall would they make a new wall or just paint over the older names? But it wasn't like he would be around to see it so it didn't bother him that much.

The breakfast hall – or munch hall has it as usually called – was the grandest place on the ship, barring the corridor to it, as it had a whole 2 paintings in it – even those where just temporary. Stressius had no interest in art so never bothered to add any to any rooms anywhere. As Stressius entered the hall, still with his honour guard in front and behind him, a humongous cheer erupted from the 1st , 3rd and 9th company, all seated at their respected tables. 9 of Stressius's honour guard took their places while his chapter champion stayed with him and took his place on his right hand side. After exactly a few seconds after 3 minutes the cheering finally stopped and Stressius stood, clearing his throat. 'I wish you'd just stop that you bunch of twats!!!' Stressius attempted to crash his fist into the table but, somehow, missed and instead his Chapter Champion took the full blow to his groin. Ignoring his Chapter Champion's groans and him rolling down the steps behind the table Stressius continued. 'Any way we've got any other order from those pricks from _Holy _Terra say we should go kill some renagedes over on a planet called o_h crap another piece of shit._' This was greeted ny a series of groans and complaints from the crowd. 'What we're at war again!?' screamed someone from 1st company. 'Yeah we're only human' yelled some idiot from 5th company 'No we are not you idiot.'

'Come here and say that'

'OK then I will'

After that day 262.7 more Astartes became infertile and sauages where banned from breakfasts.


	2. Chapter 2

Hi again sorry this hasn't been updated in ages – I wasn't sure if I should continue it as I didn't receive ANY reviews so please review this time! I would also like to add that the chapters don't run back to back but are close together but don't worry war will be soon. REMEMBER TO REVIEW... please? Oh and I sorry these are so short each but it is easyer to have them kinked if they are.

Chapter2 – Yes, Inquisitor?

'I would like to remind you lot that the 'OMG I'm soooo hard' pricks are due to arrive today.' Said Chapter Master Stressius to the complete Space Marine Chapter – excluding 10th company who ate somewhere else – seated in front of him, at the Breakfast hall. 'Don't you mean the Inquisition, sir?' whispered Company Champion Placid in Stressius's ear, timidly. 'Of course I mean the fucking Inquisition to twat' screamed Stressius back at him, putting flem all over his face. So the whole hall could hear. 'Oh great' cried out one of the Sargent from 6th company. 'Indeed, but don't worry he... will be dealt with' replied the Chapter Master, smirking. 'What does he mean by that?' came a squeaky voice from 9th company. 'It means he's going to be killed you little idiot' shouted back a 1st company veteran. 'Yeah come here and say that!' yelled the devastator as he stood up, revealing his height of 4ft 3".' OK then I will' And with that yet another fight broke out at the breakfast hall. Stressius made the whole assault company infertile from kicks to the groin. Chair legs where banned for 'public safety' and spinach also became illegal at breakfasts.

Stressius woke the next day with 2 of the female gun crew members the next day (well, they have 2 hearts) and, for the first time ever he didn't smash his alarm clock as it hadn't been set. He had planned to over sleep and miss the Inquisition member that was due today. A rap at the door caused Stressius to lob his 2 _friends_ into his armoury, setting off half a dozen bolters in the process. 'Enter' he said, trying to look calm as servitors moved in to clear up the mess and he slung on his robes. CC Placid poked his head round the door and, barely whispered 'He's hear, sir' 'But they're not due 'till tomorrow' Stressius's stress levels where rising, 10 minutes after waking. 'Tell that to him' came the reply as a member of the Gray Knights stepped through the door. 'Yes,Inquisitor?' inquired Stressius, reaching for his holstered melta-pistol – a new prototype weapon developed by the Chapter's 'Stress release Department' 'Leave it' said the Inquisitor, using his psychic abilities to detect Stressius's thoughts 'You have killed enough of us already, I am here to arrest you for being a her...' His sentence was cut short as the melta-pistol blasted his head off. 'Or not, sir'


	3. Chapter 3

Hi again!!!

STILL NO REVIEWS PLEASE REVIEW, oh but thanks to the guys that did. Anyone who wants something added please PM if you do. I'll be having cross references with some of my friends stories – names of stories will come soon. Any way… TO WAR

**Chapter 3 – 'For the Empe…'**

'Right you lot!' yelled Stressius in the Munch Hall, already pissed off that they where due to attack that day, the Ultramarines supporting them 'Get to your stupid drop pods NOW!! The entire chapter started shuffling towards the exit – well when I say shuffled I meant kicking, screaming and punching trying to get to one of the nicer Drop Pods – half of them where falling apart from the Techmarine's laziness. (By the way this caused onions to be banned from breakfast... you do not want to know why). Stressius himself didn't need to rush – he has his own personal Drop Pod. You could always tell which one it was because it was the one one with hundreds of kick marks in the sides.

_____________________________________________

'Everyone loaded up?' inquired the human less voice of the Techmarine over the SPO (Shipwide Pisser Offer) 'Ph well it's not like you can tell me… or I care'. And with that they where off – an entire chapters worth of Drop Pods where shot out of the Ship, knocking out of orbit and into the ship next to it, both following the drop pods to the planet below, buring up as they entered the atmosphere made primarily of a previously unknown element called _Crapogen_.

_____________________________________________

Chapter Champion Placid hated re-entry in Drop Pods, the constant shaking and noise as they accelerated, forcing into the grav belts holding him in place, before the huge deceleration as they neared and hit the ground. This time it was worst than normal due the the Marines in bulky Terminator armour sitting either side of him, they where being dropped on top of the former PDF commander, now turned to Chaos. 'Could be worst, could be with a couple of Dreadnoughts – that annoys even _me_' thought Placid on the way down.

_____________________________________________

Bolter rounds flew towards the Chaos Cultists lines, cutting them down. 'They must LOVE being shot, hay boys?' 1st Captain Jakeius said into the vox, holding down the trigger on his bolter, mowing down cultists as they left there trenches and he walked slowly forward, toward them. The 4 squads that hadn't been dropped by the command post, where attempting a full-frontal assault on a Church for the Chaos God Slaansh, that used to be for the God Emperor. 'Knowing Slaansh, them probably fucking every thing that moves in there, sir' commented a sergeant of one of the Sternguard Veteran Squads, just behind Captain Jakeius. 'Yeah, that... and more' said one of the members of his squad, chuckling to himself.

_____________________________________________

It was a simple battle-plan, squads where to be brought in by Drop Pod, clearing the way for the vehicles which where going to be brought down via Thunderhawks. They would then slowly fight there way toward the main Cathedral for the planet, by which time the Sisters of Battle and Greys Knights would be there to safely destroy any tainted artefacts left behind. But they had bet on 1 thing – that the Chaos Gods weren't that impressed by the cultists, so would send little or no aid.

_____________________________________________

The Chapter was near destruction, 4th company was gone, as where nearly all the assault marines in the chapter, the few remaining locked in battles to the death they would surly lose. The entire Ultramarines Devastator company was dead. The 1 complete company left where the scouts, they wern't in the attack. Only about 200 Astrates remained, attacking the Cathedral, in a last ditch attempt to capture at least some Holy ground. There was one lesson to bee learnt from this; '_Don't underestimate stupid people in large numbers'_. 'Right you lot, it's time' Stressius said angrily into the vox, a first for him, NOT. the remaining men where pinned down in the Cultist's trench surrounding the Cathedral, holding back the charging cultists that where attacking from the buildings outside the trench's circle, ammo had become more valuable than spinach had done on board ships. 'It's our final attempt at glory, CHARGE' Stressius cried, his only remaining honour guard, Champion Placid and Colour Bearer Exsanguinous, jumped over the top of the trench after him as he sprinted toward the cultist's Cathedral. His melt-pistol overheated and he throw it behind him, hitting one of the men behind him climbing out of the trench in the groin. Another infertile Marines. 1st Company Captain Jakeius clambered out of the trench, 'Come on men' he screamed.

The Cathedral was surrounded by charging Astrates and a ominous rumble began. Screaming came from the Cathedral, followed by a deafening roar and what felt like a Earthquake, at least 12 on the Richter Scale, lasting about 20 seconds – the trenches where along way from the Cathedral . 'Crap, what was that?' asked Stressius to himself before into his vox, trailing off as he saw what was in front of him;

**'For the Empe...'**

Sorry this wasn't as funny as the previous couple of chapters, this one and the next one are harder to make funny than the others, but don't worry I'm not giving up on humour. I'd also like to repeat my apology from the last Chapter about the slow update speed – I'm in the middle of my GCSE's and I get about 3 hours a fortnight on this, so I'm not just trying to wind you up. Oh and on the small chapters, it's just one way of increasing update time (if only by a little) and also it makes it easier to link chapters – for me anyway.

See ya!


	4. Chapter 4

Hi, just to let you know, the only reason these chapter and the last are only seperated for dramatics – no other reason.

**Chapter 4 – For Slaansh!!!**

_The Cathedral was surrounded by charging Astrates and a ominous rumble began. Screaming came from the Cathedral, followed by a deafening roar and what felt like a Earthquake, at least 12 on the Richter Scale, lasting about 20 seconds – the trenches where along way from the Cathedral . 'Crap, what was that?' asked Stressius to himself before into his vox, trailing off as he saw what was in front of him;_

_**'For the Empe...'**_

In front of Stressius where 3 Greater Daemons of Slaansh, each nearly 15ft high. Stressius felt a pressure on his armour's groin as he noticed each had 6 tits and – to him at least the most beautiful faces he had ever seen. Slowing to a halt, the rest of the survivors caught up with him then they too saw what he was staring at, mesmerised as each saw there prefect women. It was the first time they had ever faced any Greater Daemons before. 'By Slaansh, there beautiful', whispered Stressius, the cultists around them stopped charging and instead started chanting, making a large circle around the Chaos Space Marines and they dropped there weapons and walked towards the Grater Daemons.

_____________________________________________

'Right you load of pricks' Stressius tried to shout, but was still out of breath, 'After last nights... entertainment I'm sure you're all seen the light, and joined the Chaos Gods.' At that a huge roar went up in the munch hall as the now near complete chapter (hey, there where a lot of scouts) showed there support, well huge roar considering they where all out of breath. 'I have taken the liberty, that we now have, to contact the Black Legion, to show our support for the Great Lord Abaddon the Despoiler!' At this another cry came from the crowd below 'Oh shut you twats'. The cheering stopped. 'Any way we're on our way to the Eye of Terror, but on our way we're going to 'pop in' on a friend of ours a - poxy little Imperial Guard unit called 'Mordant 22nd Assault Regiment'. We are currently flying toward there only planet called 'Crappy 7'. Stressius looked around, expecting another fight to break out, it did.

'What we're at war again!?' screamed someone from 1st company. 'Yeah we're only human' cried another.

'No where are NOT we are Astrates you idiot!' 'No we are human you fucking bastard' 'Yeah, come here and say that' 'OK then I will' And after getting over a extreme feeling of Deja-vu Stressius got back to his trademark crowd controlling methods, making 154 more Astrates infertile and banning cutlery from breakfasts.

_____________________________________________

The Chapter was gathered in the assembly hall, all dressed in Power Armour or Terminator Armour, in the case of the 1st company. 'Right you lot' Stressius yelled into the SPO for the area, standing on a raised platform 'As I'm sure you know we are hovering about 20 metres over the Tactica Control for the planet, they have tried to hail us but we just ordered them to shut there traps. I'm sure you'll also know that surprise is one of the best tactics in our arsenal, so surprise'. With that the floor below the entire 10 Companies swung open, knocking a turret of the Baneblade parked below the ship, causing all the Marines on it to fall to the floor. 'Hear the word of Chaos' Stressius said into the vox that over-rid all other communications on the planet. 'Your gay false Emperor is a complete twat and must be destroyed, as must all his followers. Any pricks who have seen the light may join us in our conquest of our world.'

_____________________________________________

1st Captain Jakeius, one of the few survivors of the previous attack – and the night that followed – stood up as he heard Heavy Bolters open fire toward the Tactica Control building and Lasgun fire bounced off his armour, hitting the man who shot it right in between his eyes. 'Assault the building, make this quick boys' he smugly said into the vox to his men. Lascannons started blasting holes in the walls from the Havoc squads that had them while other squads sneaked into positions to use their melta-guns. Raptors used their jump packs to land on the roof of the building and planted charges over keys rooms, blowing open holes for them to assault through. Others armed with Bolters either moved with the melt-guns to prepare to assault or began forcing back the PDF that surrounded them. 'For Slaansh' came the cry as the melta-guns blew there way through the walls, causing Chaos Marines to flood into the Control centre like a Tsunami, Bolters cutting down the defenders, they were only target practice. My longest chapter yet! Please review. The next chapter could be a while longer as I need to arrange this with my friends. This story is (hopefully) going to merge with his, it's called _The Spider Guard _by the way, well worth the read. 


	5. Chapter 5

Hi (yet) again. Thanks to the whole 4 people who have reviewed PLEASE REVIEW.

Note – This is kind of a side-fic. It isn't really part of the story and I'm not going to continue with this character (though, if I've got enough time on my hands I may make a story about her). This is mainly here to start my intertwining with my friends' fanfics (names coming soon). The story this is linked is called _the spider guard_ by Karachna – give it a read and you'll see links with this (soon).

**Chapter 5 – Weapons Training?**

Amber heard several deep thuds outside followed by a man's voice 'Get to positions men and get on the night vision goggles on'. She rose from, what could be called a bed if you had a really large imagination, grabbed the Laspistol, Silenced Autogun and Woodcutting axe by her side, slinging the Autogun over her soldier and putting the axe into its holder by her hips that she had put on moments before. She tried not to disturb the other 5 naked women in the roofless room, which had all the windows shot out, as she got up 'What the WTF was that?' she pondered. She shivered as the biting wind hit her naked body.

Holding down the trigger on her Laspistol in place of a torch she crept down stairs, releasing the trigger the instant she reached the bottom and saw about 200 Space Marines Scouts in positions around Drop Pods. They where the 'local' Space Marine Chapter, black armour with green limbs. 'Spider Guard' she spat out, at barely a whisper. Thankfully none of them had seen her, yet. 'Squads Alpha and Bravo move out towards the Spaceport' Amber barely heard the voice of a man standing in Scout armour with a gold strip on his left shoulder pad as he talked to 2 men nearby. They relayed the orders to their squads and they started jogging toward the road that Amber was hiding down. She darted behind the rubble that came from the roof of the room she was just in. Holstering the pistol and axe she grabbed her Autogun and prepared herself.

The scouts jogged past, and where about 10 meters away when Amber stood up, took aim and held down the trigger on her rifle. The bullets left the barrel with barely a sound. The same cannot be said for the scouts, several of them groaning as the lumps of lead slammed into there backs, one of them screamed 'under fire, man down!' in a petrified, high pitched squeak before a bullet smacked into the side of his head, killing him instantly. The entire Scout Company had heard the desperate plea for help, and started taking up firing positions at the end of the road. They slowly moved forward, leaving their positions as they saw a lone, naked female in the centre of the road.

Suddenly a packed group of them hit the deck, as Amber empted the rifles ammo clip into them. The rest of the men came jogging down the street, leaving there safe positions. 'Oh Slaansh help me' Amber grumbled, crouching under her shelter and slammed another clip into her rifle as she saw just what she was taking on. She popped up again, the Scouts where about 1 meter away, within charging range. 'Fire at will' shouted the same man who had ordered the other 2 squads to there deaths 'um sir' whispered one the the Scouts next to him, pointing his Bolter toward Amber 'we don't know'

'WHAT?' Screamed the Sargent 'Haven't you done weapons training?'

'Weapons training?' inquired the Scout, tentatively, 'What's that?' The Sargent groaned and put his head in his hands as Amber empted the Autogun again, killing 4 more and threw it to the floor. She started to run towards the packed lines of the Spider Guard, drawing her Axe and pistol.

Amber brought the Axe down with all her might, decapitating the Sargent's head, it rolled away as she collided with the still standing corpse witch then careered into the Scout behind it, knocking him over, he then hit the man behind as he fell and the whole row went down like dominoes. Amber forced the axe into the Scout that was standing next to the Sargent and brought her Laspistol to bare to the opposite Scout, she pressed the trigger and the Scout suddenly had a suntan where the pistol hit. 'Ow' he moaned 'Oh, fuck I forgot they where _that _crap' Amber moaned. It was going to be a long, tiring night, but not anything she wasn't used to – she _is _a Slaansh cultist.

The Scout company was dead, and Amber was dead tried. She fell into the last Scout as he to fell into the dirt.

It was morning, Amber opened her eyes, the system's star blinding her as she did so. She forced herself up and walked back to the road she started in. Gabbed her Autogun and headed for the Spaceport – the Forq marines where recruiting.

A/N – OK I've decided I'll continue with her with a couple more Chapters oh and, if your saying _'Just how dumb are those Scouts!?' _they are very dumb. As I said at the beginning of the chapter, they are form Karachna's The Spider Guard, posted on this site. After reading just the first few line you'll see just how bad there tactics are.


	6. Chapter 6

Helloz, sorry for the long update time, what with half term and my Laptop crashing AGAIN FUCKING WINDOWS XP AND RUBBISH HP LAPTOP (ranting continues for about 3 hours) Anyway, that explains my little humour at Microsoft's expense and here it is at last my longest chapter yet, another 2 part chapter this one is more comedic than the last couple. Please R+R, with constructive criticism. Also add any story suggestions.

Chapter 6 – Lascannon

It had been nearly 3 months since Amber's encounter with The Spider Guard, her acceptance into the Forq marines – the first known female Astrates – and her promotion to Chapter Champion and Chapter Master Stressius's 'Personal Assistant (in his words). The entire ship was bored. There had been no planets en-route for over 1 month so there had been no combat.

'Drop out of the Warp' Stressius ordered 'We're finally near a planet', alert the crew and Marines to prepare for battle' than said, more to himself than anyone on the bridge 'may relive some of the boredom' adding 'what's the planet's name by the way?' he asked

'Pissole, sir' one of the crew replied.

'Open a channel to the PDF commander, move all ships to bombarding positions and ready the Drop Pods'

'What battle plan, sir?'

'What ever the Company Captains think will be most **fun**' Stressius smirked as a series of clicking the signalled the Servitors responding to his orders.

'Hello, General Puff' Stressius said confidently into the vox to the PDF commander of the planet Pissole while the final ship signalled it was in position. 'Greetings, sir, how may I be of assistance on this humble research world?'

'I am Chapter Champion Stressius, I bring bad news – war is due.'

'Surly you should be specking to the planetary Governor, regarding the evacuation of the Emperor's Servants'

'Nope' was the simple reply.

'Well then Chapter Master Stressius' he paused as a Lieutenant handed him a print out on the Forq Marines 'of the Forq…' he was cut short as Stressius screamed down the line to the commander.

'What did you just say, don't tell me to fuck off, you little TWAT! This means WAR!' Stressius terminated the vox link then opened the IPO (_Inter_ship Pisser Offer) 'Bombard the crap out of the planet, take-out interstellar comms first' he said before turning to his bridge's crew 'power lance weapons, raise shields 20% power'

'Yes, sir' came the reply as Servitors rushed to follow his commands.

A joy-stick popped out from one of the arms of his command chair and a large screen descended from the ceiling, above 60ft above, so it was level with Stressius's eye line. He pressed the fire button and nearly 1 Million mega-tons of explosives fell on the planet, levelling all major cities and most military strongholds. Stressius had decided to let Amber command the forces on the ground so he linked the joystick up to one of the main battle cannons on board his Battle Barge, he moved the cross hairs on the giant screen in front of him so they pointed at a Orbital Defence Battery and hit the fire button again and it exploded in a massive fireball, at least 5km wide, and fragments fell to the ground, hitting several buildings.

3 hours passed of Stressius destroying buildings and military formations with his on-board cannon. He was bored again. 'Ready my Drop Pod, lock it on to Amber's position, radio her I'm on my way and mobilize more forces to sector 347Y, there's a growing group of PDF there I want removed'

'Yes, sir' came the reply.

WHAAM! The Drop Pod smashed into the ground like a bullet. The doors fell open as Stressius stepped out in his Artificer made armour. Amber was about 10ft away; they smiled at each other as Stressius walked over and removed his helmet like Amber. 'Um, Stressy dear' Amber cooed, stoking Stressius's ear 'you landed on one of our Terminators.' Stressius snapped round and faced the Drop Pod and saw a huge dent in one of the petals. It was the shape of Terminator armour. 'Oh crap' he muttered as he walked over and lifted the heavy door, causing a bead of sweat on his brow to form, and saw an Astrates in Terminator armour standing with a small dent in the helmet 'Hi, sir' he said, rubbing the dent 'Oww'

'Oh shut it you twatty wimp'

'Yes, sir. Sorry, sir' the Terminator replied, looking at his feet and doubting his commanders sense of High Gothic.

It had been about 10 hours since Stressius had touched down and only 3 isolated pockets of resistance remained: The Governor's Place, The main Cathedral and the Primary Research Laboratory of the planet.

'Prepare to Storm the main entrance' Stressius said in the vox, standing on the edge of dense area of buildings about 500m away from the facility, as Lasgun fire bounced off his armour, hit the buildings around him or just missed completely and Bolters replied. 'I want charges ready to be blown in 2 Champion' He said to the Raptor Aspiring Champion next to him.

'If you insist' the champion replied.

'All men, reload and move on my mark' Stressius said once again into the vox as the Raptor squads took off and headed for the Lab.

About a minute later the raptors returned 'The charges are ready'

'Excellent, destroy them' Stressius grinned. The Champion pressed the detonation button on the control in his hand and all hell broke loos.

The explosion could be heard for miles around and a massive amount of smoke billowed forth from the now gapping hole that used to be the front wall of the Lab. 'Hmmm, maybe a bit less next time' the Champion pondered before taking off into the smoke, his squad following. Body parts of the defenders rained down on the Chaos Marines that where now charging across the baron wasteland between there cover and the Lab while Havocs and Predators fired at anything that moved that wasn't an Astrates. 'Kill the twats, charge' Stressius cried, raising his relic blade above his head, a bit late for the egger Chaos Marines 'For Slaansh, the Prince of Pleasure' came the cy of the 1st, 2nd and 6th company as the remaining Astrates leapt from there fox holes and joined the charge except the Havocs and Predators, and newly arrived Land Raider Crusader that had just arrived, kept the few remaining defenders pinned down.

[LIFEFORMS DETECTED]

[BEGIN BOOTUP]

[LOADING…]

[WINDOWS DOS LOADED]

[SYSTEM CRASH… RESTART]

[LOADING…]

[WINDOWS VISTA LOADED]

[SYSTEM CRASH… RESTART]

[BOOT MAC? Y/N]

[Y SELECTED… BOOTING MAC]

[LOADING…]

[MAC LOADED]

[SYSTEM STABLE]

[UPDATING ANTI-VIRUS]

[SYNCHRONISING CLOCK]

'CRAP FORGOT 001100101010'S BIRTHDAY' thought a distance machine, which looked oddly like skeletons, deep below the planet's surface as it picked up a green glowing weapon.

Stressius slaughtered the 3 Guardsman that where stationed by a door at the end of a corridor by his Bolter. Flanked by Amber and his honour guard he shot the code lock off the door and kicked it open, not that the lock would have held anyway, standing on one of the defenders that had fired at his squad, bits of brain and bone flying everywhere. 'Don't you dare fire at Amber, prick' he spat as he did.

He entered a large circular room with a domed ceiling, rather like an observatory – including the gap in the roof for a telescope. However, instead of a telescope there was what looked like a extremely large Lasgun barrel, about 30m long and 3m wide had the tip of its barrel pocking out the hole. Chapter Champion Amber fired a single round from her Bolt Pistol into the back of the Techpreist working on the machine attached to the bottom of the barrel. It had lots of oddly shaped and coloured pipes and cables going out the back in or into the floor. 'It's like some kind of Lascannon' one of the Honour Guard said aghast. 'No it isn't you stupid twat' Stressius screamed, turning to kick the Chaos Marines in the shin cracking the power armour. 'Lascannons are cellotaped to the sides of Predators. As the Astrates collapsed in agony, Stressius noticed a little panel that had just lit up displaying a single word:

Ready

Next to it was a large red button. Stressius walked over to it 'No mortal could resist a big red button.' He pushed it. The ground started shaking as if the Thunderhawk landing outside was just feet above Stressius. 'What the Fuck!?' he called out as he was thrown to the ground. The end of the barrel started to glow and a high pitched wining sound came from the machine attached to the end of it. A giant orange beam blasted out the end of the barrel, the same way a Lasgun does. 'The shaking stopped and the squad stood back up 'It's just a really fucking big Lasgun' Amber said looking shaky. 'Oh crap' Stressius said when he looked down the barrel to where it was pointing.

In the distance he could see a gigantic red tinge where the weapon had fired. 'Thi… Strike Cruiser… mayday MAYDAY' Stressius heard the pleas of the crew of one of his latest strike cruisers, which had less than 50 men on board, though the static of the ships re-entry. 'We have.. hit by… of Lascannon'

'It's not a fucking Lascannon you prick' Stressius yelled into the vox to the crew as it hit the planet with enough force to make Stressius fall the floor again, despite it being over 100 miles away.

'Right, you lot' Stressius called into the munch hall as the entire chapter, barring 2 members of the 3rd company who where killed when the Thunderhawk that was carrying them was clipped by the giant Lasgun in the Lab, moment before landing. Thankfully they had been the only casualties, excluding the crew of the strike cruiser, who hadn't survived the battle from the previous week. 'As you know, we're still in orbit around the planet Pissole'

'yeah, why the fuck are we still here?' one of the Assault Marines from the 4th company yelled to Stressius. 'Don't you fucking swear now sut it and listen' Stressius bellowed back. Amber, who was sitting next to Stressius was nearly deafened by his shout 'Anyway, just after the battle scanners detected movement just below the planet's surface and we suspect, after analysing it, that some left over PDF have survived and escaped that below ground, needless to be said, they must be crushed.'

'What!?' said one of he 2nd company, sour after the lost of his friends. 'This crappy little rock AGAIN?' he stood up, knocking the man next to him as he did so. 'Don't you dare hit me' the Chaos Marines said, elbowing the other Astrates in his now exposed groin, who doubled over and vomited into the opposite Chaos Marine's open mouth. He spat out the sick before slamming his fist into the man's jaw, splitting it with a sickening (no pun intended) snap.

With that another fight broke out at breakfast, 616 Astrates became infertile, lettuce was banned and condoms had to be worn after one of the Chaos Marines somehow contracted Herpes.


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry on the long update, lost my USB and my Laptop went bust the next day, the only copy of my stories. Anyway after swearing a lot at HP, here it is at last, Chapter 7, my longest chapter – a massive battle and A LEMON WARNING. Yes, you read that right there is a lemon warning in this chapter I clearly labelled it, but don't let that put you off; I think you will be pleasantly surprised when you read it.

Chapter 7 – Norton Anti-virus

'As you where too busy fighting yesterday, I decided to postpone my announcement 'til today'. Legion Master Stressius shouted to the Chaos Legion sitting before him at the munch hall. 'You know that we are still orbiting the same planet we attacked 2 days ago. Scanners have picked up movement underground, remaining Imperial troops. They must be crushed. I want you pricks in Drop Pods by 1300 ship time!' He promptly turned and descended down the steps behind the table, to his private toilet. He deliberately made sure his was the only on board with toilet paper – just to see the others squirm.

As some of the faster eaters started to leave they help to mark an important note in the chapter-legion's combined history – it was the first EVER breakfast eaten with out a fight. Balloons fell out of hatches, party music started playing and robots rose out of the floor and started disco dancing in between the tables. One of the Terminators who had a headache, decided to shut the racquet up and slammed his Chainfist into the gut of an unfortunate scout that was walking past, sending him flying across the hall into other Marines seated there, blood pouring out of the gapping hole where the Chain had gone though him. The balloons immediately floated back up into their hatches, the robots descended the music stopped playing and the Terminator put on his helmet, muted sounds and fell asleep as a fight surrounded him. A number on Marines equal to 3 time the amount of Pi became infertile. A tissue was banned from breakfast, as was oxygen and naked Orks. Nobody noticed the Eldar Warp Spider warp in, wearing Ice Blue and White armour, with gold trim, create a damp patch in his crouch and warp out again

Stressius's Drop Pod slammed into the desert landing site that Intel had said was the easiest point to access the massive tunnel network below the surface. In fact the officer put in charge of the task had a bad case of CBA syndrome so just put a random set of coordinates into the computer, which just happened to be right. 2 scouts lay half naked next to a 30ft wide hole down into the tunnels below, shovels lay next to them, exhausted and covered in sweat one stood, saluted and mumbled '`sready sir' before collapsing to the floor. Stresssius smirked at them, that'll teach you to not to sell Pirate DVDs'. He turned to the TV camera that had appeared next to him suddenly and said seriously 'Piracy is a crime' before the red light on top of the camera flicked off and a man in BBC overalls gave a large bag of money to Stressius.

LEMON WARNING LEMON WARNING LEMON WARNING

About 3 hours later the legion was stationed at other similar holes around the tunnels system and posed to strike. 'Right ATTACK' Stresius shouted into the vox as he leapt to hole and fell down into it, his honour guard and Chapter Champion Amber following. Stressious landed and activated the night vision on his helmet to counter the low light levels deep below the surface, the hole didn't have much light to give. He instantly regretted it. What he was him disgusted him so much so that he nearly vomited into his helmet. Two glass fruit bowls sat next to each other, an even distance between each other and the wall. But it wasn't the bowls that disgusted him, it was what was inside them. Inside sat two yellow lemons, Stressius held down the trigger on his melta-pistol, not stopping when the rock around the bowls started to evaporate but only when the pistol it self started to melt.

Stressius exploded inside with anger as he thought of which sick person put them there and the honour guard joined hands to feet to form a sort of Marine bridge across the crater on molten rock the pistol had formed. He walked over it, as did Amber as the other men began using a very awkward way of getting themselves across without falling if they let go in the wrong order.

LEMON WARNING LEMON WARNING LEMON WARNING

END END END END END END END END END END END END

They had been in the tunnels system for around 20 minutes, following what seemed to be a main tunnels with smaller ones coming off of it at regular 5 metre intervals. On the walls where lots of tiny holes, barely visible as the group rounded a wide corner in the tunnel they where following. They dived behind one of the rock formations that jutted out of the walls that seemed to replace where the tunnels used to be in this area. 'Crap' Stressius mumbled before talking into his vox 'There are no Imperial Troops in the area repeat NO IMPERIAL TROOPS'

'Very good sir, I'll start evac of the troops immediately.' 1st Captain Jakius replied

'Negative, all troops to my position'

'Yes, sir – but why'

'Necrons' Stressius said as he dived over the rocks he was hiding behind to one about 10 metres ahead, the last one before the tunnels opened out into a gigantic void in the rock. Necron marched in organised 10 by 10 groups, Warriors, Immortals, Destroyers. All standing around a large pyramid that touched what Stressius presumed must be the underside of the planet surface the cavern was so big. In big letter on it where the letters ENERGY CORE FOR NIGHTBRINGER DO NOT PLACE MELTABOMBS ANY WHERE AS THIS WILL NOT WORK AND WE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO SUMMON THE NIGHTBRINGER THNKX.

Stressius pulled his Bolter from it's holder on his hip and emptied it into the nearest squad of Warriors, 3 collapsed but 1 got back up again after it repaired it self. 'Bloody resurrection' grumbled Stressius as he slammed home another magazine into his Bolter and squad formed around him, adding to the fire pouring out of the small cave entrance. One of the Marines deployed a Heavy Bolter and began firing into a nearby Destroyer squad, destroying the Destroyers, as he tilted it up to their head height. 'Fuck, Scarabs' Amber swore

'And, bigger problems hear' replied Stressius, firing into the remains of the same Warrior squad.

'No, behind us'

'What the WTF!?' Stressius turned round to see Scarabs pouring out of the tiny holes in the walls.

'The walls, they're coming out of the God damn walls!' screamed one of the honour guard as he saw what his superiors where talking about.

The Heavy Bolter began firing into the mass of Necromunda that was the Scarab swarm, while a different Marine ran up to a different rock formation and began melting them with his flame thrower, coating the walls and ceiling in flame.

'Backup needed, emergency code 1 – Amber in dangerous situation, Terminator teleport coordinates 15467-46734 elevation negative 1000.' One of the plasma gun wielding Marines yelled into his vox, panic clearly heard in his tone, as he held down the trigger on his gun, plasma streaming out of the barrel and into the Immortals that where advancing.

'At least they aren't in range yet, yeah we got about 3 minutes until they get within their weapons range.'

'Yeah, they've only got 24" range, unlike our 30", or the Heavy Bolter's 36, and they move really slowly.' Said one of the new honour guard standing up and getting a Gauss Cannon to the head for his effort.

Stressius began to fell a strange sensation as if the pressure was rising inside what he now knew to be Catacombs. 'Reinforcements are here' he yelled to the other Marines and 8 Squads of Terminators with all combinations on Power and Chainfists, Reaper auto cannons, Assault cannons, Cyclone Missile Launchers, Twin linked Bolters, Storm Bolters and Lightning Claws. Instantly the Terminator opened fire, killing hundreds of Necrons, but even this was only a minor dent on the vast amount of scrap metal on the floor and Necrons left in the Catacombs. The Terminators formed a semi-circle to allow the Chapter Master and his Squad to come out into the cavern safely, and one squad armed with Assault Cannons, Reaper Autocannons or Heavy Flamers moved to deal with the on coming torrent of Scarabs that threatened to out flank and destroy them.

'Low on ammo' was becoming a regular cry amongst the Terminators, an hour after they had arrived. 'What are these, fucking Tyrinids, you can't be low on ammo' Stressius said, kicking the Champion that had dared to bring him bad news in the crouch, making him infertile again. As he collapsed, Stressius spoke into his vox to the ships in orbit 'Supplies needed, lock onto my co-ords and teleport them, we need ammo for the Termies, now you bunch of twats.' Stressius felt the same strange feeling as when the Terminators had appeared as huge boxes of ammo where teleported down from space and into the semi-circle which had shrunk slightly as casualties where sustained. One landed on top of Stressius, forcing him onto his back before Amber pushed it off of him. 'Who did that?' he screamed into the vox 'um… I'm sorry sir' came a squeaky voice 'it was my first time'

'No excuses, you know where the airlock is'

'Please no sir, please it was an accident'

'You idiot, I don't want you to kill yourself, report to the Techmarine, he is actually working – on the airlock. You need to explain to him what you did and how you are going to make up for damaging his equipment.'

'Thank you sir'

'Stupid twat' Stressius grumbled as he cut the vox to the ships and replaced it with one to his captains.

'Oi, fuckers'

'Yes, sir' they groaned back in unison

'I want a hole in the ceiling of this cavern, where is the rest of the legion?'

'Most are off in combat in various places around the tunnel network, all we have near you for reserves are: 3 Landspeeders, 2 Squads of Raptors a Thunderhawk with a winch attachment to lower vehicles with a Landraider to go with it.' The 1st captain replied

'I want all of it'

'Sir, that would mean there are no reinforcement for any who need them in your area' a different captain said.

'I have a visual on the Necron energy core for summoning the Nightbringer, by the sounds we have picked up they maybe trying to activate it now get the Raptors to put Meltabombs on it NOW!!!'

'Yes sir, standby'

2 minutes later the Landraider was loaded up and all of the other force where hovering just the above where a hole in the ground was about to be made. 'Fire in the 'ole' said the Raptor Aspiring Champion as the directional explosives where detonated downward, blowing a hole twice the size of a Thunderhawk into the roof of the cavern. The troops flew down into the hole, the Landraider quickly dropped at the nearest side of the Pyramid where the Thunderhawk had used it's main cannon to clear a landing site. It began firing as the Thunderhawk started flying around shelling the Necrons, Heavy Destroyers returning fire often hitting but only on the heavily armoured front not the weak rear. The Raptors landed about 50 metres from the top, 950 metres from the cavern floor, where there was a flat surface. One of the squads began planting Meltabombs around the flat surface while the other squad assisted the ground forces get a clear picture on the amount of Necrons in the cavern.

They estimated about 1 million.

Gauss began flying up the Pyramid toward the Raptors, hitting one in the venerable neck joint who fell screaming to the ground. The others looked down and saw Wrath hovering up the side of the Pyramid and Warriors climbing behind. The squad sent Bolts from their pistols down, of the many that hit their targets, very few did any permanent damage, this close to the resurrection field. 'How long you going to be with those charges?' one Champion said to the other '5 mins' came the reply 'make it 2, it's all the time you got.'

The Thunderhawk dive bombed some of the Warriors on the Pyramid, trying to buy time for the Raptors at the top of the Pyramid. As it pulled up one of the Heavy Destroyers finally found it's target. The Gauss blot slammed into the Starboard wing, causing the fuel tank to explode, ripping the wing off. The port engine's pushed the Thunderhawk to the Starboard. The pilot tried to regain control as the craft smashed into the pyramid, the explosion ripped though the section of the pyramid it had hit. Taking out several Necrons that where climbing the exterior.

'Crap, the pilot was 2 days from retirement' Stressius swore into the vox to the Raptors 'How long until the charges are ready?'

'Cliché on the pilot, the Meltabombs are ready, but we're nearly over whelmed here, we need to get out.'

'Fine, get out and blow the charges when I say, be just out side the hole, we may still need you.' Stressius responded, then to the people surrounding him 'Fall back into the cave, that Pyramids going to blow.

About 10 minutes later they had pushed the Scarabs back, their swarm now significantly thinner, and had prepared for the pyramid to come down.

'Blow the twats up now' Stressius called to the Raptor Aspiring Champion over the vox.

'Fire in the hole' was all that was said, but Stressius clearly heard the glee in his voice. He would have to talk to him when he got back.

The Raptor flicked the switch on his detonator and massive explosions ripped through the cavern, almost the whole space was filled with flame as the explosion caused a chain reaction inside the Pyramid. One side was completely destroyed and the whole thing fell directly away from Stressius and his extremely large personal guard. The structure destroyed the wall of the cavern that it hit, forcing it to fall with it crushing most of the Necrons. The rest just suddenly seized up, as if they had had all power cut from them.

'What the hells happening, Werirdious?' Stressius said to his Prime Sorcerer and Chef of Intelligence. 'I'm not sure, sir' came the Scottish accent 'I'm just running some scans now.'

'Hurry up about it'

'Ah, eh?' said Weirdius, taken aback at his own test results.

'What is it you twat?'

'They appear to be running an anti-virus check, sir'

'What, since when do they run anti-virus?'

'It seems to be a scheduled scan, it's pre-set to run at 0000 hours every day. As they have very small 45435GHz 512 bit Decacore processors they can not do anything else at the same time'

'Does that mean they are all off line right now?'

'Yes, sir'

'How long for?'

'Well they're using Norton Anti-Virus version 545634799.0000000000001 so I'm assuming we've got a few hours and then they'll be just as slow. Norton never catches anything.'

'Norton Anti-virus'

'Yes sir'

'All units' Stressius hurriedly said into the vox to his entire Legion 'The Necrons will be off line for several hours, ATTACK!!!'

My hand hurts after typing that, hopefully my next chapter wont take as long as did to update.


End file.
